Finding it hard to believe it's almost the end of April... ALREADY!
Where did that four months go? I know the last four weeks have flown by because I've been sick. Actually, I'm still sick and not getting much better. I've been to a number of doctors, none of whom have any answers and who religiously prescribe antibiotics and corticosteroidal sprays... Some of which worked, some didn't. One of the things I've found out about the public health system out here in the bush (and I'm not even that far from civilisation as we know it) is that the services I took for granted in the city are not present in the bush. When I needed to see a cardiologist, there was not one in any of the public hospitals in the area. In a 50 or 100 km area. None. I had the choice of seeing a private consultant or go to Melbourne to a public hospital. I chose the private consultant even though I incurred an out of pocket fee because I don't have private health insurance. He sat there on his phone and half listened to me. He didn't have much to say except refer me for tests - two of which couldn't be done in the hospital 50 kms away because they didn't do public health patients. I found out myself what was causing my heart arrhythmias. This latest episode of ill health, I wanted a referral to an ENT specialist to find out why I was deaf in my right ear and why, after two courses of strong antibiotics and a corticosteroid nasal spray, I wasn't any better. Same problem. No ENT within cooee. Choices were to see the visiting ENT or go to Melbourne and sit in the emergency part of the Eye and Ear Hospital. Neither choices are really viable options. I'm not blaming the hospitals - Goulburn Valley Hospital are fantastic. And although the doctors I've been seeing are only trainees (and barely practising at that) they mean well. I can't help it if I know my body and it's associated ills better than they do. After all, they're not staying in this community forever - they'll do their "time" here in the bush, get their practise in on us patients and then leave for the city. Leaving us with a new staff of trainee doctors with little practical or life knowledge. I know they have to start somewhere, but I need someone who will actually listen to me - listen to my story and HEAR me when I say "I am NOT well!" instead of dismissing me because I have multiple health issues. So I'm going to go back to researching tried and true natural methods of dealing with sinusitis and blocked eustachian tubes and all the other associated problems. I've discovered steaming with vicks vaporub is great. Today I'm going to snort salt water. Apparently it's quite effective, recommended and best of all, it's free.
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So.
How're things with you, my friends? Here's the thing I've been wanting to tell you all. My business name is fullcirclemandalas - a lot of thought went into that name - yes, because mandalas are art in circles, but mostly because most things in my life run full circle. From start to finish, round I go. And so I come to the end of my being an artist. Yes, I mean it. A long time ago, I was a writer but I stumbled and stopped. A time after that, I was a musician. That came to a natural end and I moved on and worked on my art until I realised I was being an artist. That has been a lot of fun, a lot of hard work and a lot of energy expended. But now, I no longer want to be an artist. That time is passed. I'm ready to let it go. To move on. To embrace change and find a new direction for my creativity. I don't know what that will be. Yet. I'm content to be nothing for a while. Content to just live in the ebb and flow of life until I get the next clarion call. Content to just be me. I don't want to be defined. I don't want to be labelled. I just want to let it all go. I'm living with my best friends dying right now and that has precedence. And it's teaching me to honour my Self above all else. It's teaching me to let go of everything that no longer serves my higher calling. It's teaching me that not everything matters. Whatever happens will happen. There is no forcing this change. So until I find that new space, that new place, that new direction, I will float here in this beautiful empty space and simply be me. In love and light xoxoxox |