I am so excited I keep doing a happy dance! I have wanted to visit New Zealand for a long time - it draws me like no other place on earth... So while chatting to my beautiful friend, the extraordinarily talented Visionary Surrealist Artist Elizabeth Kyle, I mentioned my dream. She asked me why I hadn't gone and I miserably replied, "Well, it's not just a fear of flying... It's the fact that I really don't want to do this on my own. This is going to be such an amazing journey I wanted to share the experience with someone..." And then she said, "Why don't we do it together?" I was just over the moon! Talk about perfect :) My fears flew out the window and I said "YES!" So in early 2014, Elizabeth and I will be travelling New Zealand. She will be proudly presenting her new book and doing book signings and presentations and talks and I will be bringing the Mandala Meditations Guidance Cards and doing short workshops and classes in the Healing Art of the Mandala :) So if you would like us to come visit, or have somewhere for us to stay or just simply want to say hello - let me know:) Either here or on facebook:) NEW ZEALAND HERE WE COME! At my most favourite eatery in the entire world, Billy Goat Hill in Mt Evelyn Victoria, I was totally tempted again, by the brilliant and wickedly delicious muffins as always - this is a Jaffa and Macadamia muffin made by the marvellous Rueben and it was sinfully scrumptious! I am totally hooked on their muffins. So much so that I have to really make myself NOT go up there everyday and treat myself. More so now that I have to keep a food diary to find out what is triggering my allergies - it could be fructose intolerance, lactose intolerance or gluten intolerance... So far it doesn't appear to be fructose... But unfortunately, too many muffins does not a happy tummy make, so I am going to have to restrict my visits to the days when Rueben makes his incredibly healthy oat based muffins:) Oh and did I mention the coffee? BEST coffee in the Hills IMHO Seventh Heaven! I have spent the past couple of weeks in a very depressed state. My birthday triggered a wave of grief and I went under with it. I tried to drag myself back up into the light a number of times, but as is the way with depression and the darkness, many other things happen while you are down that keep you down until you can gather enough strength of spirit to start the long trek back. I ended a long term relationship with someone I still love and it hurts. I went to a market where no-one appreciated my work or my art, despite me believing it was one of the best places I could go. I suffered financial losses. I struggled with my self esteem. I had to talk to my son about what it means to be an adult. I also had to run classes and do the day to day maintenance of a couple of websites and my facebook business pages. On my private page, I vented and sorrowed. I really let go and let people know just how I felt.
And this is the beautiful thing about the internet. I have hundreds of friends I have never met in person but who mean so much to me in spirit and in my life. Hundreds of people who care about and support me. Many hundreds of people who love and appreciate my art, my cards, my truth and who have, in the past week let me know by word or message, by phone call or photo, just how much they care. I have never felt so supported in my entire life, as I do now. Without you all, I would've stayed in the dark for a long time. As it was, your support, your love, your compassion and your empathy gave me a fast track back and I am so deeply grateful for you all. I am humbled beyond measure and count my blessings every morning when I sign in to see what everyone is up to and how you all are. You mean a great deal to me - my online family:) Hugs hugs and more hugs! It has been a traumatic and tempestuous couple of weeks and I am so very glad I am back again, safe and sound. And I have started to write my book:) Love and Blessings xoxoxox How many people judge someone by what they see now?
I have a back story, a history; as a woman and as an artist and yet, I find people continually assuming that they know me or they can judge me on the merits of what they see in front of them right now. Case in point: my art 'career'. Contrary to popular belief, I did not just emerge into view on facebook recently. I didn't just happen to start painting and Lo! I was a recognised artist. I didn't just start painting yesterday. I have been an artist for most of my 52 years. Off and on. More off than on because LIFE itself got in the way of my art. There were times when I didn't paint because I didn't have time. I was working to survive. Or I was out partying - I was young, once... Or there were the times when I was very ill and lost in the dark and didn't know how to find my way out - I lost the best part of a decade of my life then. Ten years gone. But I survived and I kept going until eventually I found myself in a place and a time where I could start again. What you see now is the result of nearly thirty years of ongoing work. Most of it in the last ten years as I have finally found the space and the time to honour my soul and my hearts needs. I missed more opportunities in that time than you can poke a stick at. I didn't get picked up by the major players. I missed the opportunities to market my work in so many ways. The galleries hated me because I couldn't play the game (and ultimately wouldn't) and so refused to host my exhibitions. Did that stop me? No, I just went to the local cafes and made great friends with the owners and ended up having a great time meeting great people and eating fab food:) Often I painted there. But the 'big time' always eluded me because I just didn't have the time to spend to make myself known. I never had the time or the money to go to the big festivals and fairs to plug my work. I was too often sick and I had my child to think about. As a single parent I had no-one who would look after him while I pursued my art. Later I had a bipolar partner - I didn't even leave the house much, then. His death finally catapulted me back into my art... I don't regret this. The journey has helped make me who I am today and I really love who I am, now. But I get really pissed off when I get lectured at by people who don't know me! They pontificate, they preach. All I hear is how hard they have worked to get where they are and how long it has taken them and how much longer than me they have been working at their art and if I put in (blah blah)....... I get that, I really do. And I am so very happy for them that they have got to the point where their art or their writing - whatever their craft - is now fetching big money and they have a huge fan base... I'm glad that they are making a living out of what they love. I'd love to do that too. I just didn't have the same opportunities or time. My experience is not the same. My path is not the same. It's great to tell me to get out there and market myself and push my art and go to all the places that matter to be seen, but it's not great to tell me, with that holier-than-thou attitude, that I haven't even tried. It's great to tell me that by reducing the prices on my paintings and my work that I am underselling and undervaluing myself - but hey! I have to pay the rent! And the bills! And if I can make $200 selling a thousand dollar painting, well the money is better in my hand than a canvas sitting in my spare room gathering dust and not being loved... I'd rather sell up than hang on... I get artists with only a few years experience telling me how I should be doing things. Sheesh! I've done this for thirty years! I KNOW what I have to do - but I also know that if I listen to everyone's stories about how they got where they are, only some of it will work for me. So I listen and I ask and I learn. I will never be too old to learn. Many of the things my friends do to market their art or their writing or their acting or singing (whatever their craft may be) involve spending hours and hours and hours of time putting themselves 'out there' in the hope and belief that other people will see and recognise their talent. But mostly they do this because they have to - it's not something you just stop LOL! I applaud them, I support them, but most of all I try to understand that their journey is theirs, not mine. I can learn from their path, but ultimately its what works best for me that matters. Behind all that is the unstoppable drive to do what you love. Although I have lost so many years to lifes circumstances and happenings, I have never lost that drive to create. At times that drive has been so overwhelmingly powerful it has found other avenues to escape, when I could not turn to art. I have been a musician and a singer. I write, prolifically. I am a published poet and an award winning photographer. These are all the avenues my talent seeks release in when I cannot paint. So please, do not judge me. Do not think you know me by what you see now. Please, when you look at me, remember that once, I was a child with a dream and that child has now grown through an entire lifetime to who you see before you now. I am now finally, living my dream. My way. Walk in Beauty xoxox Sigh. My wisteria bloomed for the first time in this home that I live in. Nine years I have been here. Longest time I have ever lived in one place in my entire life. Incredible... I was sitting outside in the scanty sunshine with my camera, chasing my mad moggy across the lawn with my lens and the contrast of mauve, blue and the soft green of new leaf was just too irresistible... Combine with Pablo Neruda and you have Spring in all its glorious verdant lushness... I found myself writing poetry again today. I have been thinking about writing a book about the last 6 years as I painted my way out of madness and depression back into the light. The Journey of the Mandala, or something like that. Then I thought I might like to do something completely different. Maybe even at the same time, coz I really do like a challenge. I thought I might put together a book of my published poetry and my photography. That would be pretty cool. So I pondered on that all day, while I was cleaning out my spare room/studio space. Thought about it while I stacked and packed and sorted and chucked things out. Considered it while I dusted and vacuumed and mopped and polished... I'm still thinking about it. One can't hurry these things, LOL! It will ferment in my brain until it's all ready to come pouring out and then there will be no stopping it. And I'm happy thinking, because while I concentrate on what to do next, I don't have time to hear the painful little thoughts crying from my heart. The sad little wishes and hopes that drift like dust bunnies in the breeze... I try to block out the wistful yearning and the sadness that sometimes threatens to overwhelm me because I know that in time, the hurt will fade and I will not feel so lost and lonely. So on with life. On with the things that make life worth living. My son. My cat. My art. My friends :) It's not so much about survival now, but about joyful living. It's so wonderful to feel the light on my face again and in my heart. xoxox Love and Blessings Illuminating Anahata Mandala proved painful to paint. Funny how when I work with the heart chakra it brings not only joy but pain and grief, as I apply the layers and layers of green paint leading into the blue. Speaking my love, speaking love. It is so hard sometimes to keep the heart centre open and not just shut down. Sometimes there is so much pain it is difficult to let go and remember that all we take with us from this journey we call life, is love.
Painting mandalas is not just a hobby. It's a life work for me. Teaching others to tap into their subconscious and release the stored stuff in there is a blessing. Like all blessings and gifts though, the work takes its toll and I have to retreat to heal and recharge my energies. For some reason, this past week has been a very hard one, emotionally and physically. I know a lot of other people have been feeling it too. It's been a week of the Universe pushing ALL my buttons, but particularly my heart button. Pushing? Hell, that's too soft a description! How about ripping off the shoddy and tatty bandaid that covers my heart? How about poking celestial and etheric fingernails in and wriggling them all around? I am being told to WAKE UP! I am being given opportunities to LOVE! What am I doing? I'm running because it's just so hard to deal with this emotion. We are taught that love comes at a cost. That there is a price on it. That it is conditional. Well, I was anyway. So for me to accept that love is the only thing that runs the entire show is hard to handle. Let go? Trust? What the fuck? Why would I do that? Why on EARTH would I let go and trust that everything will be ok when I know it won't? But that's me coming from past experiences. Not from the me that I am now. If I want to rewrite my story, then I need to deal with the past experiences and remember that it is history. Long gone. Nothing can affect who I am now unless I let it. The past is just that - past. I have a whole bright future ahead of me and I know that death is not the end. I know this. I'm not afraid of it, but I want to cling to life because for the first time I am starting to live - really starting to live - and appreciate the present. That old trite saying about it being a gift is true, you know... It is a gift. Every moment is a gift. And in this month of my birthday, every day is a gift which I shall lovingly unwrap and treasure... Love and blessings to you all on this adventure. May the light of love shine into and from your hearts. Walk in Beauty. xoxox Marg And so the Android APP is born! I really do love this version - much prettier than the iPhone one, in my humble opinion, but then... They are both pretty good, considering 8 short months ago I had NFI what I was doing or even how to do it! Hot on the heels of the Android APP, I rolled out the free lite facebook version (which you can find if you navigate to the APP page here on my website) and now I let them all go and whatever happens, happens. There were a few more lessons to be learned before the final upload though. Apparently I needed a Privacy Policy. I have one, now. Apparently I also needed Terms of Service and a Support Page - that was all very interesting and challenging. I'm sure they'll undergo some heavy rewriting as I go along the road towards APP virality LMAO! Seriously though, wouldn't it be grand? Viral APPS lol :)
So on with my life. What have I got planned for this, the month of my birth? For those of you who don't know me, I celebrate the entire month - from the first day to the last - because I rewrote some old programs dealing with pain and grief and loss that surrounded my birthday to reflect my journey and my growth. I now celebrate with love and gratitude, lots of coffee and cake and the sharing of it with a multitude of marvellous friends <3 <3 <3 I'm planning on doing some YOUTUBE vids! Yep, LOL! I have a couple wandering around in my head and I really want to plot, plan and shoot them sometime this month! I may have to get my camera sorted LOL! So that's a plan:) And I am going to start work on a new book. This one is going to tell the story of a broken woman and her journey towards wholeness. I haven't started it in physicality yet, its still wandering around in my head annoying the crap out of the youtube vids and several other beings that inhabit my head space LOL! But the ideas are there, the story is flowing and the images are clear. I'm hoping this will be a book that will help others through the darkness and into the light without too much destruction of self along the way. I think that the more tools we are given, the more choices we can make. Knowing that someone else survived and how they did it are sometimes the only things that keep our heads above water. Finally, I plan to love. Every day. And give thanks, every day. Because with the joy of this month comes the knowledge that there are some things I have to do that I will not enjoy. That will hurt. That will be important and necessary, but painful. Sigh. Life, huh! Love and Blessings and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all my October born friends! xoxoxox |