A week has gone by since my last depressing little post. Still, it was how I felt then... But it's not how I feel now.
I think my new year began on the solstice, with a few interesting revelations and a couple of upsets - which is usually how change begins.
I was lying sleepless in bed after a harrowing day, just before the madness of christmas day, catastrophising as usual, when suddenly I sat up and thought, "BUGGER THIS!" in true Aussie spirit.
Realising that I'd spent most of my life thinking the worst, catastrophising, imagining worst case scenarios about simply everything was just the final straw. I decided from that moment that every single time I find myself thinking of the worst possible thing that can happen to me (or to anyone I love), every single time I dwell in the horrible things that COULD happen... I was to stop and think of all the good things that COULD happen! Instead of fearing the day, I was to embrace it. Instead of being afraid of stepping out the door into a dangerous unknown where nasty things could happen, I was to see it instead as an opportunity to embrace - because miracles and magic, good and happy things happen just as much as shit happens.
And you know what? I finally understand that cryptic "shit happens" thing. Yes, shit happens and happens... and keeps right on happening. It's not personal. I didn't cause it. No magical thinking involved in shit happening - it does, it will and it keeps on happening - it is not my fault.
So knowing this, finally, I realised that if 'shit happens' then 'miracles happen' also. And it's up to me to realise that NONE of it is personal - it's just the way the world is.
Accepting this, I decided that from now on I'm going to live what's left of my life (hopefully it will be a long and healthy one) thinking of it in terms of the Best Possible Outcome. Instead of the Worst Case Scenario, my job now is to train my brain and break my age long habits. From now on I will think in terms of the BPO. Every day. Every situation.
I have survived unbelievable catastrophes and loss, experienced madness and great grief. Suffer mental health and physical health issues... but I'm still here. I'm not a survivor, I'm a fucking warrior!
So Happy New Year, everyone.
I hope that the year brings the best possible outcome for you all.
Much love, many blessings on your journey..onwards and upwards, into the light.