I have been dreaming a lot lately as I always do, but these dreams have been deep and disturbing and unsettling.
This morning I dreamed I was heavily pregnant and I gave birth by caesarean section to a beautiful little boy who later became a little girl, morphing from new born to 6 months and back again in various episodes of the dream. Surprisingly it left me unsettled, possibly because the sound track that was playing at the time was Pilates Dream from the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar.
The thing with dreams is that they tend to haunt me, especially the deep disturbing ones, so this one is percolating around my mind as I go about my day, wondering what it means and why this song is so poignant...
I pulled a card from my deck, the Mandala Meditations Guidance Cards and it is Metamorphosis.
Number 13 - unlucky for some, but one of my most favourite numbers. I was going to put it back and draw another to see if I could get one that I haven't posted before, but I laughed at myself. It's THIS one that's relevant, THIS one that has the greater meaning - not just for myself but for everyone.
Circle of Life
Transformation of Love
Getting of Wisdom
Passage Through Change
Speak with love. Speak your love. Speak Love. There is nothing to fear. Let go of the things that weigh you down. Let go of the people who no longer align with your journey towards joy and peace. Heal the places within. Through love, you grow. Let go.
I had just been reading a wonderful blog post by Drew from the Skinny Artist called "Let It Go". Beautifully timed and perfectly apt for this fresh and still Melbourne morning.
Letting go has always been so very hard for me. The whole concept screams failure to me - and yet, it is in the letting go that we find true freedom. Freedom to live the life we have always dreamed of. Freedom to be the person we choose to be. Freedom to be alone and lonely if we so choose. Freedom to give up. Freedom... Scary isn't it?
I believed once that letting someone go was giving up. Failing. Letting go implied that I was at fault, that it was me who was the problem. I thought that if I let someone go, something bad would happen and I would never see that person again. So many of those fears and beliefs are from a part of me that is long gone. A past where I had little trust in the world and even less in myself. A long ago time when I simply survived, I didn't live. I have grown so much since then. I am no longer the frightened child, the wounded adult. I am whole and almost complete. It is time to let go of all that was and might have been and step into all that is and could be should I choose to make it happen.
I have that power now.
Love and Blessings