As I sit here, listening to the coo-cooroo-coo of the wood dove on the roof, and feel the silence of a magical warm and still Spring day settle around me, I am briefly at peace.
Briefly, because I know that, come the morning, Tigger and I will once again face the daunting task of towel wrapping and syringe feeding medicine, a task I fail at utterly.
Briefly, because I know that shortly I will remember that I can't afford to live here and I'll have to find somewhere else to live soon - somewhere far, far away because rents in Melbourne are too high for my extremely limited budget.
Briefly, because I know that there is no man, no partner, no husband, no special someone in my life right now who can be my rock, my shoulder, my mate.
To go into my old age alone was not something I had ever envisaged. The Law of Attraction is wrong. And I state this with utter conviction. The Law of Attraction is WRONG. All my life I have dreamed and wanted a husband, family, home together. I have nothing. In fact, I have the complete opposite. And it sucks. Really REALLY sucks.
So, when I walk into exile, I'll go with my sick cat and my visionary art and I'll be forgotten as time rolls its inexorable blanket over what's left of my life.
So for now, for this minute, I will breathe the still and perfect silence. I will bask in the soft light of the setting sun. I will take the wood doves mournful call to my heart and back again and I will, for this moment, forget all that is painful in my life and give thanks for all that is truly beautiful.
In love, with love and because of love.