Weebly shits me. The dates are all wrong. It's not saving my entries. The site is clumsy and slow. Fuck it.
My Triple Goddess gone.
My guitars, gone.
My artwork, gone.
My treasures and mementos, gone.
My life, gone.
It's taken me thirty years to get enough courage to rebuild my life. And it's all gone.
(why? why? What did I do?)
Aside from the physical loss there's the emotional and mental toll. They don't tell you about that. They don't tell you about the nightmares that come when you drift off, be it on the couch or in bed. They don't tell you about how you can scream at complete strangers and then fall to your knees sobbing in despair and agony and utter mortification. No-one tells you about the noises that make you jump ten feet in the air, send your heart racing into the stratosphere. No-one tells you that people just get on with their lives after the event but you don't. No -one tells you that people tell you all the time to "get over it and move on". No-one tells you that it's never ever over.
I've lost my whole life. again
My external HDD's on which were terabytes of photos.
My whole Joss Whedon collection.
My gorgeous linen.
My beautiful french provincial cast iron bed I'd only just bought after ten years of searching for it.
My chinese rugs
My German Pottery.
My antique cabinets
My two copies of "The Velveteen Rabbit" first editions.
My first edition of War of The Worlds
My cookery books
My art books - hundreds of first editions
My signed first edition Handmaidens Tale
My oracle and tarot card collection
My antique and vintage japanese black lacquer jewellery boxes
my vintage and collectible clothing collection
my cats toys and tower and grooming tools
my whole kitchen
my whole bathroom
my antique beds and furniture
I'm so tired.
I'm so scared.
I'm so alone.
(why me? why now? what did I do? why? )