It seems I don't like making decisions by myself for myself.
I'm not very democratic.
I watched myself tonight flipping coins, asking my cards for guidance, seeking opinions from friends - everything but looking at the opportunity presented and asking myself the important questions which would help me resolve the issue.
I don't think I'm alone in doing this LOL! I have friends with magic crystals and divining tools; other friends with tarot decks and other links to the other side... We all prevaricate when it comes to some part of the decision making process.
With me, it's anything to do with spending money. I dunno, maybe its the parsimonious Scot in me, or maybe it's because I have been poor all my life and I don't like spending money I haven't got. Most of the time I'm ok. I don't have to make decisions of such magnitude. Most of the time I can live safely within the confines of my financial situation. But there are times when I am presented with opportunities and options and they scare me and I find I am paralysed and can't even think about the opportunity in any way, certainly not in terms of spending money.
I have been offered a place at the November Mind Body Spirit Festival in Melbourne. Three days surrounded by my peers. Surrounded by magic and healing and light and energy. Sounds awesomely fantastic, doesn't it? Oh yes, I am SO drawn! But it will cost me a lot of money for the three day stall. Money I don't have. Money that doesn't grow on trees. Money that I simply don't have. And I find myself frightened to think about this opportunity positively because all I can think about is "where the hell do I get that money from?" Sure, I can recoup the initial outlay from sales, but what if I don't make enough sales? The 'what-if' vulture is always circling my thoughts.
So I decided to step away from that thinking and ask myself the most important questions - do I WANT to do this festival? Do I REALLY WANT to be 'out there'? Do I really want to get my deck and my work out to the world? Do I want to push myself? Am I ready for this? Or am I happy just sitting back and quietly letting it unfold slowly? As I am sure it will. As it is doing...
So I drew my card, Celtic Beginnings. This mandala is one of my personal mandalas and hangs above my bed opposite the Sea Eagle Dreaming mandala. It represents me and my journey and is about honouring myself. It's a reminder that I have everything I need within me to make the wisest choice for my Self - I am the only one who can do that for me. Not the cards, not the tarot, not the coins or the dice. Me. Little old me. Time to get grounded and call on the energy within.
Love and Blessings,
And a great big thank you to all the lovely people who have and are moving across to my new facebook page with me:)