Illuminating Anahata Mandala proved painful to paint. Funny how when I work with the heart chakra it brings not only joy but pain and grief, as I apply the layers and layers of green paint leading into the blue. Speaking my love, speaking love. It is so hard sometimes to keep the heart centre open and not just shut down. Sometimes there is so much pain it is difficult to let go and remember that all we take with us from this journey we call life, is love.
Painting mandalas is not just a hobby. It's a life work for me. Teaching others to tap into their subconscious and release the stored stuff in there is a blessing. Like all blessings and gifts though, the work takes its toll and I have to retreat to heal and recharge my energies. For some reason, this past week has been a very hard one, emotionally and physically. I know a lot of other people have been feeling it too. It's been a week of the Universe pushing ALL my buttons, but particularly my heart button. Pushing? Hell, that's too soft a description! How about ripping off the shoddy and tatty bandaid that covers my heart? How about poking celestial and etheric fingernails in and wriggling them all around?
I am being told to WAKE UP! I am being given opportunities to LOVE!
What am I doing? I'm running because it's just so hard to deal with this emotion. We are taught that love comes at a cost. That there is a price on it. That it is conditional. Well, I was anyway. So for me to accept that love is the only thing that runs the entire show is hard to handle. Let go? Trust? What the fuck? Why would I do that? Why on EARTH would I let go and trust that everything will be ok when I know it won't?
But that's me coming from past experiences. Not from the me that I am now. If I want to rewrite my story, then I need to deal with the past experiences and remember that it is history. Long gone. Nothing can affect who I am now unless I let it. The past is just that - past. I have a whole bright future ahead of me and I know that death is not the end. I know this. I'm not afraid of it, but I want to cling to life because for the first time I am starting to live - really starting to live - and appreciate the present. That old trite saying about it being a gift is true, you know... It is a gift. Every moment is a gift.
And in this month of my birthday, every day is a gift which I shall lovingly unwrap and treasure...
Love and blessings to you all on this adventure.
May the light of love shine into and from your hearts.
Walk in Beauty.