Four weeks ago...
(OMG FOUR weeks ago? Has it been that long? What happened to the time? It's been forever and it seems like yesterday...)
Four weeks ago, my home burned. Four weeks ago I had a different life. Four weeks ago I was a different person.
I'm still so numb. I've tried anaesthetising myself with alcohol and food, particularly food, but nothing seems to work for long. It's like when I wake up in the morning after an hour or two of restless, nightmare filled sleep - for a brief second before I open my eyes I don't remember what happened and it's bliss... And then I open my eyes and it all comes flooding back in technicolour detail.
In four weeks I have gone through every emotion possible, but mainly anger. Anger has fuelled me, it's kept me going, kept me standing. It's anger well used, directed at no-one, aimed at nothing except getting me through the day. I'm channeling all my old anger too, why not? I'll discharge it all by the time this is over and I will be hollow, empty, at peace.
I'm STILL waiting on the insurance company to make a determination. I'm hoping that sometime this week I will hear from them. Such a small hope. So fragile.
I've been looking at caravans - I had NFI how much they cost! WOW! My head truly has been buried in the sand for a decade or so. Still, it is an option and a viable one and I will continue to pursue this tiny dream. I have to have one, at least.
I'm so grateful I'm still alive to dream...