Marg Thomson - Visionary Artist
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all gone

9/7/2015

1 Comment

 
IN the late afternoon sun I knelt in the muddy chewed up grass in front of the fence and gazed unseeingly at your charred blackened bones and grieved. My beautiful house. My beautiful beautiful house. All gone. 


All your beautiful green and gold spiderwebbed window glasses, lovingly hung in the double sash windows in 1917. All your beautiful deep cedar architraves and skirting boards. All your glorious baltic timbers and meticulously crafted details. Your beautiful old doors and door handles, the special things that made you beautiful, to me. All gone.


Those stunning, wondrous, beautiful timber art nouveau fireplace surrounds and mantels. The well built and fabulously pointed brick work in the main fireplace. The triple triangle feature fireplaces that added charm and character to my beautiful Federation home. 


All gone. 


Shattered glass lies on green grass. Blackened, twisted and charred timbers reach to the open sky amongst the buckled and scorched tin sheets from the roof. When they bought the roof and chimneys down it fell into the holes that used to be my gorgeous and beautiful home. 


I can't cry. I can't let it out. I am blocked and locked and hiding in my head. I know that when I am eventually allowed back into my yard, back to what was my life, the grief will knock over this fragile dam I have erected and flood me. It will overwhelm me. But it won't, this time, destroy me.


The worst thing will be sorting through the torched remains, the black things that once brought me joy and happiness. There are moments when I can't breathe, when I think of what I have lost. What was ashes in mere moments were the memories and achievements of my life.


The Triple Goddess Mandala, my signature painting. Gone.
All my artwork destroyed. A lifetime of work. Huge thanks to all of you who have bought my originals over the years - at least some of it survives...


My books. Black with soot, ragged with water, reeking of the acrid and bitter smoke that rolled through the air like a juggernaut with the flames. 


My beautiful bed. My stunningly gorgeous linen. My collectibles. My life...


All gone.


Yes, they were only things. But they were MY things. My life, my treasures, my beautiful bits and pieces. Mine.


All gone.


And so I sat out the front of the shell of what remained of my gorgeous home and I howled inside. 


I have no idea what to do. No way to feel except bereft. Broken. Exhausted. Battered. Bruised. When I think of Christmas and the loss of my grandmother, my father (of the heart) and my two best friends all within a few weeks and now this, it's no wonder I can't feel. It's no wonder I don't feel safe any more. I'm lost, hopelessly lost.

All I can do is write. And take pictures. And hold myself together for a little bit longer. 



I am so grateful for the loving, supportive and wonderful people who surround me every day with messages of support and love. Who send me little trinkets and flowers and fill my life with meaning. I'm so blessed.


A week ago, my house burned down. A week ago, my life changed forever.



1 Comment
Amanda Marie Voets
11/7/2015 07:31:44 am

Dear Marg., I couldn't stop thinking about you, after I read your post on Russell Morris' site, so I looked you up. My husband and I are Astrologers and I also studied Jung at University so I have also been interested in Mandalas and esoteric subjects. My husbands Mother and Grandmother were artists who taught at the Art School in Darlinghurst, back in the 60's and 60's. One of my daughters had her house burn down about six years ago. She had six young children at the time (the youngest two (twins) are now 12. She now says that, looking back, it turned out to be a good thing because they moved out the area and the children flourished in their new home. My wonderful Mother died 12 weeks ago and, even though she was 92, I, also have been grieving; it is painful and the loss feels so great. I know that it is going to take you some time to recover from this however, as my friend Lyn said to me recently "the Sun will shine tomorrow" and it has. I would like to look at your horoscope and give you some idea as to why this has happened. So, if you like, it is up to you...please send me your birth details, along with time and place of birth and I will send you a disc with a reading. No charge, of course. I feel that we have some kind of connection through Russell and I would love to feel that I could help you, in some way. Kind regards, Amanda Marie Voets.

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