Since deciding I didn't want to be an artist anymore, I've had to make some changes. Big changes. Changes on how I think about myself and changes to my routine. In particular I had to learn how not to feel guilty about doing 'nothing' but learning to live in the moment and accept. There have been some massive changes as a result of having to sit with my mind and my thoughts and not run away from them but confront them finally and deal with them head on.
I've been teetering on the brink of vegetarianism for a long time now, making meatless meals but still unable to finally let go of 54 years of conditioning and behaviour.
But I'm giving up meat finally because I can no longer live with my moral conscience and seeing "Earthlings" yesterday made the decision final. My heart broke and broke and broke again. I went through an entire box of tissues - I howled through all of it. I cannot believe mans inhumanity to other living beings. I simply could not take it all in. It was beyond belief and having the illusion torn away was excruciating. And yet, I was compelled to watch it to the end, because I needed to see once and for all, the horrific things animals and other creatures are forced to endure because of us. Because of humans.
I am a sentient aware being who is cognisant of the awful suffering that animals endure at the hands of humans in order to fill our supermarket shelves with packaged bits. No longer can I deny the truth - animals suffer horrible, painful, cruel and awful deaths to feed us (and clothe us and apparently make our medicine safe for us!), the so-called superior beings. Those plastic packets in the supermarket are not tainted with their hideous deaths, they're safe for us to pick and choose. By removing us from the slaughterhouse, we can ignore the truth.
I do not hunt to eat, therefore I have no need to kill to eat and I certainly have no right to have others kill for me to eat, thus removing me from the death of a living being in order to ease my conscience.
My conscience is deeply and sorely troubled, my friends.
But I will do what little I can.
And if that means I never eat meat again, so be it.
However, I'm not going to stop instantly. I can't do that. That's a setup for instant failure. I've learned that the hard way. So what I will do is consume all the frozen packages in my freezer - and with each package I shall bless and thank the creature who died so that I could live. Until there are no more packages and no more meat. While doing this, I shall be researching nutrition - being gluten intolerant and having other food allergies and suffering from IBS, my needs are different so I will be diligent in my research. And I'll be asking for help.
I know with all my heart this is the right decision.
I only wish I could wave a wand, unbottle a genie, have one superpower... and then all creatures, everywhere would be safe from the most dangerous predator of all - man.